Wrapping up presents alone in my hot and dusty apartment has made me feel homesick, especially when listening to the BBC at the same time and hearing tales of snow and advent calendars and carol concerts. I'm going to London tonight, but still, I feel particularly non-festive, even if I have got the obligatory Christmas cold.

All of this has made me feel pretty emotional. Someone who I thought was a good friend to me failed to perform the most basic of friend favours this week, while someone I hardly know rang me when he woke up this morning to see if my cold was any better. A beggar in the street wished me good morning, while people I have known for years have forgotten to ring me to wish me a good trip away. I am confused about my position here, I feel so foreign in a place I regarded as my home. It has thrown me topsy-turvy.

I have had a gas leak in my kitchen since Sunday when I broke the gas head which plugs into the cooker. There are no hardware shops in town, only handbag shops, so I can look nice but I can't fix a gas leak. In desperation, Omar the tailor took me to a place he knew, not allowing me to go alone because it being the day before the big muslim festival of tabaski, the whole world is out in the street buying last minute things, and everyone is desperate for cash. It's not safe for me, he said.

In one shop, the man said he didn't have what we were looking for. Then he turned to me, gave a great big fake smile, and said in wolof, "hello you. How are you?" as if he were talking to a child. I replied hello and Omar pulled me out of the shop.

"Senegalese are not normal to treat a foreigner like that," he said. I was glad he had seen what idiots people can turn into when they see a white person. I have many friends who tell me I am exaggerating when I say people act differently to me than to other Senegalese. No one wants to think that their countrymen are capable of being effected by the colour of someone's skin (I can't use the 'R' word here). But it's a fact I deal with every day. Toubabs are like something you might find in the circus. We are a constant source of amusement. And Omar, I am pleased to see, thinks it uncivilised.

I am happy to say though that some things are sacred. Now is going to get up at 3am to accompany me to the airport.